In tragic news for all red-blooded males in the world, Kelly Osbourne is to marry her boyfriend Luke Worrell. The couple intended to keep the details secret but made the terrible mistake of telling Kelly's mum about their plans. Naturally, Sharon went of running to the press with her mouth flapping like a flag in a high wind, screaming 'Look at me! I have news.'

The classy news is that the pair will consecrate their love in the sanctity of marriage in a dignified and heartfelt ceremony which will incorporate a pink Cadillac, a vicar hanging out of a booth and the words 'drive-thru' featuring heavily (and not just for the food at the reception).

 

The pair will drive up to a chapel window out of which a pastor will appear (no news on whether he'll have a headset and grease-encrusted robes), remind the pair of their sacred vows, chuck in a song and fifteen minutes later charge them $45. Call it $50 if you want a photo and key-ring made of the event. Sharon said she was happy with this sad, plastic and shameful course of events.

"I'm not disappointed. I want to see her happy so if that is what she wants to do, then I am happy with that."

She sounds happy. Presumably the wedding guests will be in a car behind, in which case let's all hope that Ozzy isn't driving. And when the happy couple sign the register they can ask where the drive-thru divorce court is located and programme it onto their sat nav for use in a few weeks.