John Mayer, perhaps the single most important recording artist in history, has remained quiet on the subject of his break-up with Jennifer Aniston, though to be fair it is the fifteenth time the pair have bid each other a tearful farewell, only to re-unite when she has a new film or he a new album to sell.

Now the artist has revealed his tortured soul, broken like a butterfly on a wheel. Surprisingly John decided against revealing his heartbreak on a song (perhaps because he knows no-one listens to his music), or even publishing his deepest emotions in a book of poetry. No, John turned to the internet equivalent of the 'Announcements' section of the local paper, the ubiquitous Twitter.

 

Beware, the following (horrendously pretentious) extract would make a glass eye weep, and if your soul isn't stirred by this Keats-ian lament then you have a heart like a swinging brick in your chest cavity.

 

"Ernest Hemingway once claimed he could write a great story in six words or less… I'm certainly not the first person to pass the plate around on this, but Twitter seems like an excellent place to try it. My six word story:"

 

"This heart didn't come with instructions."

 

Aww! His heart's all broken and he doesn't know how to fix it. Maybe replace replace the batteries? Maybe he can't work the timer. Has he tried turning it off and on again?

 

Leave it off for an hour and everyone will be happier, mate.