Kelly Osbourne will not be marrying for another five years

"I'm not disappointed. I want to see her happy so if that is what she wants to do, then I am happy with that."

So why the big change of heart? Sharon Osbourne told People magazine that both Kelly and Luke need to grow up a little before they enter into the blissful married state that she and Ozzy have occupied since she stole the singer from his previous wife.

"Neither of them is ready for domestic bliss right now."

After growing up in the Osbourne household I'd imagine Kelly is pretty ready for any type of adequate domestic life, never mind bliss. Yet oddly she seems to agree with her hectoring, harridan harpy of a mother.

"I'd become one of those cracked out housewives with a vacuum cleaner, hopped up on Dexedrine."

So, back to the original question. What on earth is going on? Have the family had a massive change of heart in the space of a week? Or will mother and daughter merely quack out contradictions to different sources in order to fulfil their need for money and publicity? It's a tough one, isn't it?

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WAIT! THERE'S MORE!

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• Sharon Osbourne says Susan Boyle looks like a 'hairy arsehole'

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