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oooo Gary I wanna be in the coooooooooooool gang wid you! I can do diamond kissing! Mwaaaaaaaaaaaaaahh!!

SO, where's this fucking Helen Mirren woman wanting a fucking good seeing-to?

To paraphrase Donna Summer:

Someone left Katie Price out in the rain,
And I don't know that I can take it,
It took her so long to fake it,
And she'll never have the surgery again...... again.....

*Gary, please oh please. The reason I come here is to read all about hot celebrities and wish I was banging one of them.

*While this statement is intended to be ironic, if Ms Gillan is available between 10 and 11 most weekdays, that would be fine. Let me know.

Ah no, littlelola, your observation is very interesting. Listened again (for purely professional purposes) and I concur. Anyone willing to point out vowel confusion and phonemic incompetence gets a pap in my book.

I'm gonna make him my friend and then I'm sure GaryKing will introduce me to lots of hot celebs who want to make sex

Gary King is such a tease. I like him!

Yeah but I saw another thread where he said he was lying about being able to introduce me to hot celebs.....why do you toy with us GaryKing ? Whyyyy ???

I'm liking this new Gary chap, he's got a lot to say and he says it well.

Even hot celebs!?! Sign me up!!!

Despite Andre being an over-sincere choggie gimp, I'll give him credit where it's due- he can at least sing in tune when live. I'm not saying it's a pleasant experience, but it is, at least, in tune, with half-decent diction. Not only is she borderline tone deaf (despite thinking she's Mariah Carey), she's got dipthong all over the place in both songs (two different sounds on one syllable- e.g. "you" pronounced as "yeee-ooo") and she can't seem to get her veneers around consonants, especially R for some reason.
Yes, that comment is really boring but I'm a singing teacher and bad singing really fucks me off, and that's why I can't watch X-factor.

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Olbas oil?? How funny (laughs) I love it!

The question is though - would I rather smear Olbas into my vuvuzela or listen to Katie's record? I might need a few years to ponder that one. By then The Price might have:

married one of the Jackson kids (probably Blanket)

bullied Living TV into running a show on Harvey's sex change

had a face-off (literally) with Pete Burns where they both swap mugs for an online documentary

kicked the bucket (and I don't mean Alex Reid)

You know, I have a knack to see the beauty in almost anyone or anything, but that picture has a listless, lifeless look on it with the coldness of a (money-operated) robot.

There is nothing remotely appealing about this "woman" - no saving graces whatsoever, yet a proportion of people in this country find her somehow scintillating and worthy of throwing their money at.

I personally find her abhorrent, and call upon everyone to remind all and sundry of how she alone was responsible for the condition of the eldest fat kid. You will be fucking judged on that alone, never mind the endless list of other tasteless shit

No, but your lovely wife would comprehend it if, in a Metamorphosis-stylee she one day awoke to found that she had the body and voice and life of KP but still the mind of Stella. But I would not wish that on either of you.

Yes, but Katie Price has neither the brainpower or the imagination to comprehend the scale of her awfulness by comparison to normal human beings.

What have harvey price and HP sauce got in common?

The initials.

Whats the difference?

The sauce has a cap to stop it dribbling..

Oh but Stella darling, your life could be worse- you could BE Katie Price. Imagine waking up to find you are trapped in an orange shell of plastic and polyfilla with the brainpower of that 'special' kid we all went to school with and a voice so bad that all the over-production in the world can't hide the less than glancing relationship between the noise coming out of your mouth and a 'tune'. Even Kafka would have baulked at that scenario.

It all just screams class down to the tasteful coat of arms on the cover. Destined to prop up the bargain bins of anyone retarded enough to stock it for decades to come.

Too fucking true, Rev-o. There is not an aspect of her life that she hasn't made money out of publicising...her pregnancies, her 'miscarriage', her cancer, her wedding(s), her divorce, her disabled child, her 'rape'.

I might put too high a price on privacy. I'm the sort of person who doesn't even have my birthday or relationship status on Facebook, my philosophy being those who should know my birthday and my relationship status, already do. Maybe not everyone is as private as that, and that's fine, but this orange-tinted botox'd-up slagbag brings new meaning to the phrase: IS NOTHING SACRED???

(For the record, though she was also a stupid slagbag, I did not mind that much when Goody talked abahhht her caaancaaar, because in the end it did raise awareness and that's goood. Still a fucking dickhead though.)

(Why can't Jordan die too?)

(Is she human enough to die? Who knows. I need a Crunchie.)

Do you really need to ask?

He would've done us all a favour if he had just drowned her instead.

I was feeling that the last few days of my life might have been the worst ever. I now know they were since this is being harboured for release. On the bright side however, I am not the humiliation that is Katie Price.

There are no words, none at all, that can actually be used to comment on this assault on culture. But what I would like to know is how does a human being make their fulcrum horizontal?

On a lighter note, while listening to the snippet, I did, in my mind convert every beat into a bullet issuing from a gun that can fire them quite quickly - while pointed at her deformed face/body/soul.

Andre must really, really have loved her. He tries to sing really loud towards the end to drown her out. But can't. There's a metaphor in there I think...

Funny you should say that Jiggers, I am currently reading a book about the anthropology of the English and one paragraph in particular brought this heinous harpy to mind immediately when it stated that "as a nation we are a private people and that those who will do or say anything to breach this privacy will inevitably end up being reviled and ridiculed by the rest of us".

I think that this harridan reached tipping point a long time ago....I mean can anyone really see her restoring any feint modicum of dignity at all, ever ? Even if she were to disappear from our lives completely for the next 5 years and then suddenly reappear as a nun we would all still thing she was a big plastic titted slapper with all the class of diamante clown pendant.

autotune on overdrive

Are we in 'total car crash' territory yet or still messing around with 'so bad it's good'?

I hear she's going to make Alex do a 12 inch.

Does she have any self awareness? God knows what she sees when she looks in the mirror.

That's the opening ceremony for the Olympics sorted!

I'd love to see her open the next world cup with the one she does with peter, who incidentally is shite too.