Move over, Theroux, there's a new investigative pundit in town. Everyone's favourite embracer of multiculturalism, Peaches Honeyblossom Geldof is back Back! BACK! with a chat show looking at REAL PEOPLE'S REAL SECRETS and REAL ISSUES. The show opens with Peaches giving us a taste of what we can expect in the next 6 weeks from Miss Geldof; furries, vampires, transsexuals, sad vaginas, cougars, Janice Dickinson and A LOT of Geldof winking at the camera.  Along with therapist Emma Kenny and Aled from Radio 1, she starts off by ritually embarrassing an audience member, Chantelle (like what Graham Norton would do). It turns out Chantelle once changed her sanitary pad on a bus, like OMG! "Standard behaviour!" says Peaches. This sets the tone.

First up is Alison, who speaks like a mid-Atlantic helium balloon animal. Surely she won't turn out to have any dark or weird secrets...right? WRONG! She's a vampire!!! Cue Easy Rider-esque graveyard scene, then Alison marches on dressed as a Victorian whore. This bit is overlong, and we get distracted because Peaches just shifted position on the couch and it sounded like SHE DONE A FART WITH HER BUM. OMG, show highlight.

The Baby Gaga tit-icecream gets a mention, with Peaches toeing the party line of it being "organic", which, as we have covered before, it technically is not. It's as if she's just reading the internet into a telly camera...

Then there's Sam, who actually drinks blood rather than just putting on a bustier and wanking to True Blood. Sam looks peckish and there's a studio whip-round to see if anyone will, er, donate. No takers, but it's OK, she's brought a packed lunch; a vial of her own blood. She says drinking blood is like having a nice glass of booze. It's not though, is it?

Vamps over, now it's time to talk about Internet dating. A full 8 months after even the Guardian knew about it, Peaches is tackling Grindr. Or rather, Aled sits in a caff with his blurred out iPhone, looking at Grindr and not bumming anyone. Then they get all the gays in the studio to switch on Grindr, and Peaches demands audience member Bobby send her a 'dick pic'. One time, someone on Grindr wanted to fuck Bobby's dog, his little lhasa apso! Those gays, eh?

Just before the end we see living cartoon character Eric Lambert playing Feel the Fetish. Where do they get their ideas from? (*cough* TFI Friday. *cough* The Word). Eric is blindfolded and has to touch a half-nude man wearing a horse's harness and tail. Aaaaaaand, the fetish is....er, horses? Dressing up as horses, maybe? It's unclear, which is a shame as it was the best thing about the show (save the chair fart).

This show isn't as awful as you'd think, given the raw material. But it's also not as original, funny or shocking as it thinks. Blending awkward interview segments with out of date celeb and entertainment news and vox pops from an unenthusiastic audience, OMG! never really takes off. Still, hats off to the researchers for sourcing guests so devoid of charisma they make Peaches seem like the most interesting person in the room (and hats off to the therapist who, like, totally cured her of, like, saying "like" all the time. OMG!)

OMG! with Peaches Geldof is on every Wednesday at 9pm on ITV2. Incidentally, this is the same time as Jamie's Smug New Show is on, so you could do worse.

Here's that "fart" in all its peachy glory...