Imagine, if you can, that JRR Tolkien was feeling particularly sex-mad when he wrote Lord of the Rings. Imagine Legolas Greenleaf shagging his sister on the quiet; Aragorn having scores of bastard children, and imagine Gimli not as a bearded axe wielder, but a wisecracking imp who gets all the best lines spoken by a midget/dwarf/small person since In Bruges.

The end result would be very similar to Game of Thrones, the HBO TV series based on George RR Martin’s Song of Ice and Fire books. GoT pulled off the very clever trick of making it acceptable to like fantasy again (and causing a spike in the sales of 18-sided dice). All they needed was the aforementioned incest, seasoned with lengthy sexposition, the sexiest barbarian since Arnie in Khal Drogo, and, er... did we mention the sex and incest? We did? Right, let’s move on.

SPOILER ALERT We’re keeping it as spoiler free as possible, but you should at least be up to speed with the events of Game of Thrones Season 1 before reading this. OK? Off we go. 

As readers of the books will know, Series 1 merely hints at the fantasy chaos impending in Series 2, which will be based mostly on the book A Clash of Kings (with some bits from A Storm of Swords too).

Based on what we know of the books and the castings announced so far, here’s a rundown - in reverse order - of five of the new characters to be introduced in Game of Thrones Season 2, currently filming in Ireland.

5.  Brienne, the Maid of Tarth
One refreshing aspect of Game of Thrones – that arguably you don’t often see in fantasy - is an abundance of strong female characters. Brienne follows in the footsteps of Catelyn Stark, Cersei Lannister and Daenerys Targaryen, but she literally IS strong. She’s over six feet tall, looks like a bloke and her face is all bashed in but she has beautiful blue eyes (small blessings, eh?). When we first meet her she’s serving in King Renly’s ‘Rainbow Guard’ (titter titter) but then things very quickly go downhill for Brienne. Just, whatever you do, don’t call her ‘wench’.

Played by: Gwendoline Christie

Christie might not have that much acting experience, but physically she’s absolutely spot on. Tall, blonde? Yes. Ugly? Hmmm. Not so sure. Check her out in this music video for Patrick Wolf’s Damaris.

4. Jaqen H’Ghar

 Valar Morghulis. That is the motto of Jaqen H’Ghar who you’ve actually already met at the end of Season One. He was the mysterious hooded figure in the back of the wagon that Arya Stark follows out of King’s Landing. He quickly becomes Arya’s ally of sorts, but his true identity and the larger, possibly pivotal role he’s to play in the series isn’t yet clear - even to readers of the books!

Played by: Tom Wlaschiha

He was in The Sarah Jane Adventures alongside the much missed Elisabeth Sladen. And in Valkyrie with Carice Van Houten (see below). But beyond that we have no further comment to make other than he looks rather smouldering. Yeah, OK… he’ll do.

3. Lord Davos Seaworth 
The Onion Knight Davos is the closest the Song of Ice and Fire series gets to a Han Solo type. A mercenary pirate, captain of the Black Betha - he rescues a King from starvation and loses the fingers on his left hand for his troubles. Despite that early setback, Ser Davos goes on to be a real hero – with triumph and tragedy in his future.

Played by: Liam Cunningham

There was a rumour that one of the stars of the piss poor Camelot would be joining Game of Thrones. Speculation fell on either James Purefoy (Stannis?) or Eva Green (From Morgan Le Fay to Melisandre?). But no, it was Liam Cunningham – and this Dublin native is a great choice for the role. Let’s hope he can put Outlaws behind him and make this part his own.

2. Lord Stannis Baratheon
For all his faults, King Robert Baratheon was the life and soul of the party. His older brother Stannis, however, isn’t. Gaunt, brooding, bound by a strict sense of justice and fair play, he’s an even more humourless version of Ned Stark – and he believes the Iron throne is his by right. Stannis isn’t to be messed with – and in the words of Omar from The Wire: “You come at the King, you best not miss.”

Played by: Stephen Dillane

Everyone was throwing names out for Stannis including Tony Curran, Gerard Butler, even Christopher Eccleston. But HBO’s casting directors know what they’re doing – Dillane has just the right brooding intensity to play Stannis. Go watch Malcolm Venville’s 44inch Chest if you don’t believe me. And unlike Eccleston, he’s probably in it for the long haul

1. Melisandre
Another strong female character? TICK. Unlike Brienne, she doesn’t rely on a Zweihander to get her point across. Instead, clad in red robes and sporting fiery red hair, she uses dark sorcery, honed in the land of Asshai by the Shadow. I predict that the phrase ‘By the Flames of R’hllor’ will be next year’s ‘Winter is Coming’.

Played by: Carice Van Houten

A curvy, redheaded temptress, you say..? Well, Christina Hendricks’ agent must have been on holiday/living in a cave/dead. Instead, step forward the star of Black Books, Valkyrie and Repo Men, a gorgeous Dutch temptress with no shortage of acting chops who’s guaranteed to deliver an awesome performance. She’s already tweeting pictures of Robb Stark in makeup, so why not follow her on twitter?

What else will happen in Season 2? Will the guy playing ‘the basted’ Jon Snow ever learn to act? Will the Stark family ever catch a break? Will Jason Momoa come back as an undead centaur? The countdown to next year starts now… by the flames of R’hllor, hurry up! (juggles 18sided dice in pocket).