It's Round 2 of the live shows, and this week's theme is Love and Heartache, one unlikely to make for any classic X Factor moments. All we're expecting is sob stories and actual sobbing aplenty -  before, during and after performance. In fact, we won't be satisfied until somebody starts having an emotional breakdown over an ex on stage. Do you hear us, Kitty?

In the end there's sadly no emotional breakdowns - unless you count us breaking down in laughter at Louis Walsh - but it's still another entertaining show, and one which everybody seems to have upped their game for. Everybody but Nu Vibe and Frankie Cocozza that is...

Louis and Gary have obviously been spending too much of their time reading Holy Moly, because if we're not mistaken they BOTH stole one of our jokes last night. Once Nu Vibe had relieved us all and finished their insufferable dance version of With Or Without You, the two male judges quite rightly ripped them to shreds, and did so using our hilarious quip: "you've got NO VIBE". We should have copyrighted it.

No Vibe are almost certainties to be voted off tonight, but if the country had any sense it would be Frankie Cocozza packing his bags. Even a fucking cat in a coma could see that Frankie is incomprehensively awful, can't hit or hold a note to save himself and has less charisma than Konnie Huq's ear lobe. How has he been allowed to reach the last twelve acts in a nationwide talent contest?

Fortunately, there are some talented people in this talent contest to allow us to release some of that anger. Take Misha B, for example, who was a hundred times better than last week and the one who we reckon Simon Cowell would love to win the show. We'd like her to win the show too, and she's a definite contender. You could also take The Risk for example, a boyband who can actually harmonise live together without making you want to stab hot pins in your ears. We wouldn't like them to win but they impressed us all the same.

The best of the rest included Marcus Collins, Rhythmix (aren't they just SO STREET!) and the overly sassy Craig Colton. Sami Brookes and Kitty Brucknell can both belt out a tune but we just can't be arsed with them, Janet Devlin was less interesting than staring at a drawing of a sock, and if Sophie Habibis is just going to stand still and sing a ballad every week then we feel its our divine right to go to the studio and take a shit on the stage while she's doing it. It'd probably be less offensive.

The best thing to come from the night? Johnny Robinson singing Kylie in a kimono. Thank you Louis Walsh.