It's Rock Week on the X Factor, everybody's least favourite theme! We're all ready to see a ridiculous amount of leather, somebody ruining Sweet Child Of Mine and somebody else coming onto the stage revving up a motorbike. We get the leather, we get the Guns & Roses destruction, but there's no motorbike in sight. We are treated to Johnny Robinson doing The Darkness though, so that more than makes up for it...

Is it really rock week though, or is it actually ballad week?

Janet puts on the least rocky performance of the world's most famous rock song, Craig plays it safe with another slow one and bores the shit out of everyone, Sami gets rightly destroyed by big Gazza Barlow and Rhythmix just decide to scrap the theme altogether and sing a medley of two pop songs. Very, very badly. The only theme-ruiner who managed to pull it off was Sophie, who has now cemented herself in HM's coveted top three. Congratulations, Habibis!

But what the hell is going on with Frankie Cocozza? After his total failure last week, Gary tells us it's time for his COMEBACK - watch out everybody! And how do they put the comeback into practice? Why, by sending him out on the town of course, and trying to make him out to be the Jack The Lad that he most definitely isn't. "There was drinking, dancing, fit burds... I love going out". It's all a bit cringeworthy and a desperate attempt by Barlow to make the British public interested. But the British public are only going to be interested if he can sing... which he can't. Simon Cowell would rip the boy to shreds, and it was quite clear from Gary's comments that he's had enough of him too.

Thank God for Johnny Robinson and Misha B, the number two and number one in our top three. Johnny is handed the best song choice ever from Louis Walsh and the crowd go out their nut for him, while Misha takes Purple Rain - the song nobody has ever dared to attempt since Ruth Lorenzo - and kicks her version out of our memory with ease. Misha's already won this, hasn't she?

It's going to be Sami and Frankie in the bottom two, and it quite simply HAS to be the end of Cocozza.