We bloody love Judges' Houses. If you're able to put up with every single act bawling their eyes out at some stage along the way, then it's always one of the best parts of any series of the X Factor. Even better than Big Band Week. There's disgustingly nice houses, never-ending swimming pools, A-list guest judges, Sinitta and it's the moment you finally decide who you are going to love and loathe once the live shows take over your life. So, who did we love and who did we loathe? And, more the point, what was Sinitta up to this time?

We start with the groups - none of which we actually recognise - who are at Tulisa's pretend house in Greece. She's joined by Jessie J, who doesn't really get a word in edgeways once Tulisa starts talking. It's common for the groups on the X Factor to have horrific names (see Addicitv Ladies, Voices With Soul, Kandy Rain and Girlband), but this year they have really excelled themselves. We've got The Keys, The Estrelles, Girl V. Boy, The Lovettes, The Risk, Two Shoes, Rhythmix and Nu Vibe. But despite having the worst band name in history, Nu Vibe turn out to be the best of the lot, and our money's on them to go through with The Keys, Rhythmix and The Risk. Although we think Tulisa's going to be an awkward bitch tonight and mix the band members up again. 

Next we're off to Miami, to join Kelly Rowland and the girls. And she's got Beyonce!!!! with her to help her judge them! Oh no, wait, she's not. It's just Jennifer Hudson. Sorry guys, false alarm. Anyway, it's in the girls section where we find our new favourite: Amelia Lily. Again, rubbish name, but incredible voice, and we can't remember ever seeing her in the auditions. Hopefully accompanying her in the live shows will be Misha Bryan, who did the Cher Lloyd rapping thing but in a thoroughly more likeable fashion. And as much as we can't be arsed with them, we know that frumpy Fifer Jade Richards and Janet Devlin - or Ellie Vickers, as we like to call her -  are already stick ons to go through.

Poor old Louis Walsh. Not only has he been lumped with the OAP category, but he's stuck with Sinitta as his guest judge too, much to the disappointment of him and his acts. Louis starts by asserting: "I've probably got the most talked about category ever on the X Factor", which couldn't be further from the truth. The whole lot of them are fairly uninspiring. We do like Terry Winstanely and ex-Fame Academy WAG Carolynne Pool - we reckon they're through - but we're going to grow tired of Johnny Robinson and the abominable Kitty Brucknell after week one. We're actually surprised there's not a fist-shaped hole in our TV screen this morning after her attention-seeking jump into the pool.

Finally, we arrive in LA to hear the best category of the lot: Gary Barlow's boys. And if you didn't read the site yesterday, not only are you a bastard, but you also would've missed our sneak peak of his guest judge Robbie Williams dressed up as Sinitta. It was funny. Meanwhile, the boys actually did some singing, and they did it very well indeed. Craig Colton's still our favourite of the boys (as well as the best first audition we've ever heard), scouse hairdresser Marcus Collins is a certainty to go through and Joe Cox will soon take his place as this year's Aiden Grimshaw. Unfortunately, all the talent on offer from the boys was single-handedly destroyed by Frankie Cocozza, who will be put through on his televisiual value alone, and in turn become our most hated X Factor contestant of all time.

So, there you have it. The names in bold are our picks for the live finals. We think we've got it spot on, although in a few hours' time we're guaranteed to find out that they're all wrong. Until then, it's Amelia Lily and Craig Colton FTW.