Dancing on Ice, arguably the most underrated yet challenging of the UK prime time reality shows, stands out from its competitors because of the sheer determination of the contestants; there's no having a strop about having to eat kangaroo cock or learning the foxtrot in five days - these people get razorblades strapped to their feet then pushed onto the rink like suicidal ducks. It's basically Running Man meets Faking It meets the Winter Olympics. We swear we once saw someone ice-burn around 50 per cent of their body but carry on whilst the screen filled with blood a la The Shining (after the commercial break, enough foundation had been slapped on to stem it to a weepy dribble). Anyway, ITV normally targets celebs looking for work post-panto alongside random names from the Yellow Pages, but this year's line-up is quite a pleasant surprise (well, around 33.3 per cent is)...

Because being a reality judge is now like a footballer on transfer deadline day, we've lost track of who's on the Dancing on Ice panel, but we think it's Phillip Schofield, Christine Bleakley, Louie Spence and some actual ice skaters. The contestant list is the interesting part - Big Mo to win, right?

• Charlene Tilton - AKA Lucy Ewing from Dallas
• Corey Feldman - AKA Goonies/Stand By Me/Lost boys legend, now slightly bonkers
• Heidi Range - AKA longest standing member of Sugababes
• Chesney Hawkes - AKA The One And Only
• Laila Morse - AKA Big Mo/Gary Oldman's sister
• Rosemary Conley - AKA ultimate January detoxer 
• Sam Nixon - one time Pop Idol contestant 
• Jennifer Ellison - pair of boobs who we're pretty sure have already done Dancing on Ice??
• Andy Akinwolere - children TV presenter 
• Matthew Wolfenden - Emmerdale actor 
• Jorgie Porter - Hollyoaks actor
• Sébastien Foucan - founder of freerunning (?)
• Chemmy Alcott - female skier 
• Mark Rhodes - children TV presenter 
• Andy Whyment - AKA Kirk from Corrie